The first few years of motherhood were difficult. I was diagnosed with a somatic presentation of complex post-traumatic stress disorder. This left me with chronic pain, compromised immune and an inability to walk or sit for long periods of time.

I retreated for a while, art was sporadic, sometimes things came out as words…

Remainder

Faces pressed in misty glass,
Roy’s tears in rain,
things that can’t
will
always find somewhere to be…
over the rainbow in that town of gold

placeless parts
never said, shouldn’t, can’t,
fly loopy loo to shang-rih-lah
whispering their wishing to no-one, everywhere

Pushed-shh, inside-out with shame
Scattered purposeless-ness
Lying that it didn’t matter, they
were named wrong, turned over and forgotten.

Squealing sheets over my-eyes – blighted blot!
My scratching back leg buries
misunderstood relics
shimmering alternative unknowns
I will no longer destroy what protects me.

Fizz, fizz
star to earth birthed.
Reaching into the darkness
veil dissolved
the context gone.
Fragments of feel finally felt

Glittered savage waters come:
Rushing rocks
Whistling
Beating
Empty heads waggle their dust tongues.
But this is here,
and I am now.